Some Pieces #9: Can You Not Wake Me up From This Dream I Have?

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This world is a cage, and I am a bird trapped inside its golden bars. Surely, I must not view the world that way. But doesn't the one who possesses greater power than others of their own kind bear much more responsibility? What does God choose me for? To take all the duty? To shoulder all the faults and pain? 

I wish I were a child roaming a meadow full of sunflowers in the middle of summer. I wish I were not special. I wish I were not that different. But doesn't the one who is given more blessings obliged to pay back the universe much more than the one who isn't? What does God think I am worthy of? How much do I owe Him? I am in a great debt for something I do not ask. 

I have let Him take many parts of myself since the very beginning of my life: I exchange my companionship with loneliness, happiness with sufferings, ignorance with empathy, innocence of childhood with pain of adulthood, selfishness with altruism. But God, will it be too much if this once I ask You for letting my heart choose freely someone it will yearn for? Will You allow me to take the love I want to feel? Or will You bound me with something beyond my will for I have been using the power You lend all this time? 

Right here, right now, I see his genuine smile, his warm heart in the coldness of the world, his honest demeanor. It is so real that for a moment, I thought my eyes were deceiving me. He is so pure and soft, just like a dream, just like something I cannot hold in the palm of my hand, something out of my reach. I dream to be with him. May I? 

Has someone ever said that being the chosen one is a painful fate? May I be selfish for this once? Can you not wake me up from this dream I have? 

© dailydoseofkafein | Published on September 5th 2023

Note: I am writing this with Philia of Philia Rose: The Prophecy of the Crown of Thorns (I read the comic on Webtoon) in mind. So if you feel like the piece resembles her, you are not wrong. I did write as if I could see her thoughts. It is a fanfiction. 

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